air and time and space and light

I was watching this Denzel Washington movie with Morten, a movie that takes place in 1935’s Texas. The black had to go to different college and they were even lynched because of their skin color. It is interesting to see Denzel Washington directing and playing in the movie and Oprah Winfrey is the producer. These two people, one an Oscar winner the other media ‘guru’ feel the need to tell a story whose message is so clear. The black were really despised for such a long time in American history and they were just waiting for the day to come. There are many inspiring scenes in the movie, where the young members of the debate team win over and over many games. The topics are usually negro vs white, as the movie is sending its message every second of the movie. But it was really exciting to watch the school youngsters debating; doing research, rehearse and convincing people, getting big applause from people watching. It touched me and I felt like going back to school, do something, learn something and change something. Work life, earning money has not had its effect on me yet. I don’t find pleasure in this. When I watch such a movie, I always feel like I am missing out something and a few years later I will be remorseful. Maybe it’s because I am Turkish and I was raised with this regretful type of character. Someone always trying to make the best decision, to do the right thing is usually awarded with regrets.. When I look behind, there are some defining moments that I question even today. Quitting PWC, going to France for a master’s degree, saying some certain things at PGs 4th round of interview, starting and quitting citibank, then now doing this project in the Philippines. I have been moving arounf too much maybe and I have no clue yet what I will be doing next year today. I like to have these itchy feet, I seek for adventure, I want to move, go somewhereelse, meet new people all the time. But I am worried about What’s next question..And my mum has the courage to tell me almost everyday soon you’ll turn 30 years, you gotta find your place. Do something that you’ll be proud of. She’s the one who knows me best. SInce my childhood I had these aspirations of being someone influential, someone cool, someone with a high profile, good standard of living and prestigious job. I was a very good student, even in France. And my parents think that I should be at a very good position today with good salary and high prestige. She reminds me who I want to be. I remind myself that I like to travel. I was not successful to comobine the two. I am 28yrs old and I got a life ahead of me.. But I am sceptical about my choices so far and this makes me anxious about my future.. Careerwise, I mean.
Watching this movie, I thougt, I also wanted to stand out in the crowd and be in that black Wiley College’s team and beat Harvard Uni. THat must have felt good. Looking at them, I can understand how Obama must be feeling. If DW and OW felt the urge to make such a movie, these people must have such an instictive punch in their stomachs. And how proud Obama must be today. How proud he will be, the entire community of black people will be if he will be elected the President of the USA. Even in the Philippines when I say ABC TV, USA I feel good about it. WHat must it be to say the first non-WASP president of this country. I hope he will make it.

From today onwards I will write on this blog everday. Promise!